From Lady Gaga’s meat dress to Madonna’s obscenely awkward Coachella kiss with Drake, most celebrities will do whatever it takes to stand out in the crowd. Some celebs take their quest for notoriety even further, by giving their offspring super wacky, off-beat names.
Sure, Blue Ivy might sound arty and original now, but Beyoncé and Jay Z are going have some explaining to do when their baby girl starts high school!
Queen Bey and her beau aren’t the only superstars to bestow a questionable name upon their child. So, let’s take a look at the 9 weirdest celebrity baby names of the decade.
Born in 2004, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s daughter Apple’s bizarre name choice is still one that leaves fans shaking their heads. However, Gwyneth, author of lifestyle newspaper GOOP, IS known for her commitment to health and clean eating. So, maybe it’s not such a surprise that the name ‘Apple’ appealed?
The blonde starlet explained once the reason for her unusual choice to Oprah, stating, “It sounded so sweet and it conjured such a lovely picture for me – you know, apples are so sweet and they’re wholesome and it’s biblical – and I just thought it sounded so lovely and … clean! And I just thought, ‘Perfect!’.” (Hello!, 2004)
Wholesome and sweet? That’s a lot to live up to – just wait until Apple’s a moody teen!
2) Rocket Ayer
Hip-hop hitmaker Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen Lasichanh seem pretty Happy with their bizarre baby name choice.
According to the pair, the first part of six-year-old Rocket Ayer’s unusual name is their optimistic way of setting their young son up for a life of success. Speaking to Oprah Winfrey, Pharrell explained, “In the same way that the Indians name their children like behind a force or an animal or an element, we named him after a manmade machine that was meant to go up. Meant to ascend.” (Williams, 2014)
Williams also wanted to incorporate a tribute to his own musical inspirations into this namesake. Thus, the ‘Ayer’ part of Rocket’s name honours one of the Happy singer’s favourite American jazz, funk and soul composers, Roy Ayers.
Let’s hope this little boy lives up to his parents’ lofty ambitions!
3) North West
From the moment Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced their pregnancy, the rumour mill started running wild. Everyone wanted to know what kind of eccentric name this high-profile couple would give their first child. There was early speculation on the Twittersphere that the fame-hungry duo would create a play on words using Kanye’s last name, but most of us dismissed the idea. After all, even Kimye aren’t so desperate for attention that they’d give their first born a name that’d ensure a lifetime of compass jokes, right?
Wrong! On June 15th, 2013, North West came into the world.
Eager to dismiss claims that North’s name was little more than a pun, Kim and Kanye allegedly told friends that their little girl’s name was, in fact, not inspired by a compass, but a metaphor for “up”. A source quoted by TMZ explained, “What’s North of North? Nothing.” Essentially, the name North is supposed to represent a pinnacle of success.
As much as we’d love to believe that, we’re not totally sure that the star-studded duo didn’t simply invent this secondary meaning when they realised they’d made headlines in all the wrong ways for the poor name choice.
4) Moxie CrimeFighter
When famous American magician Penn Jillette revealed the name of his first daughter, Moxie CrimeFighter, we all hoped it was just another one of his famous illusions. Unfortunately, the choice turned out to be only too real.
While most parents believe that giving their child an unconventional name opens them up to a lifetime of teasing and missing mail, Penn and his wife Emily took the opposite stance. In a 2007 interview with The Insider, they still didn’t regret their unusual choice, explaining, “…it’s pretty cruel to give a kid a name that others are going to have. I think it’s very important to have a unique name within any group you’re likely to be in.”
Well, we guess that growing up with an unusual name himself, Penn at least has some authority on the subject.
On Moxie’s even weirder middle name, he added, “[Emily] pushed for her middle name, “CrimeFighter” because [she] doesn’t have a middle name and thinks middle names are stupid. So, it’s just a joke. When she gets pulled over by the police she can show her license and say, ‘We’re on the same side, officer, my middle name is CrimeFighter.’”
Oh dear. We’re not so sure the officer will be laughing.
5) Audio Science
American actress and musician Shannyn Sossamon’s own name might only be a slight variation of ‘Shannon’, but when she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in 2003, she proved that she’s far more ‘creative’ than her parents when it comes to baby names. Maybe a little TOO creative even.
The Knight’s Tale actress decided that she wanted a word, not a name. So, her then-boyfriend read through the dictionary a few times (we’re not even joking) until they found a word that was special to them.
“We were going to call him Science, but thought it might bet shortened to Sci, as in Simon,” she told a source.
Because it would be so terrible for little Audio to have a less alienating alternative to fall back on when he hits high school, right?
6) Blue Ivy
Although Beyonce’s legions of fans generally agree that Queen Bey can do no wrong, we’re not entirely sure what the Crazy in Love singer was thinking when she and husband Jay-Z named their first daughter ‘Blue Ivy.’ Sure, at first glance it sounds sort of pretty, but the more you think about it, the more questionable it gets. Let’s face it: it sounds like a combination of a poisonous plant and a venereal disease and no child should have to walk around carrying that name for the next 80 years. Fortunately, little Blue Ivy is such a cute fashionista that she’ll probably work out a way to rock it when she’s old enough.
Unlike most celebs who picked unusual names for their offspring, Beyonce has always been a little more cryptic about her choice. However, shortly after Blue Ivy’s birth, she posted an excerpt from Rebecca Solnit’s A Field Guide to Getting Lost’ on her Tumblr:
“The world is blue at its edges and in its depths… the blue at the farthest reaches of the places where you see it for miles, the blues of distance… this light does not touch us, does not travel the whole distance, the light that gets lost gives us the real beauty of the world, so much of which is in the color blue.”
Poetic or trying too hard to be deep? We’ll let you decide.
7) Buddy Bear Maurice
We could probably dedicate another entire article to celebrity chef Jamie Oliver’s horrendously cutesy baby names. He and partner Jools are proud parents to not one but four awkwardly named children (including Petal Blossom Rainbow, Daisy Boo and Poppy Honey) and have a fifth on the way.
The couples’ first boy, born in 2010, wasn’t spared the saccharine sweetness given to his sisters and was lumped with the name Buddy Bear Maurice. When asked about Buddy Bear’s obscenely whimsical name, Jamie didn’t even have a faux intellectual answer like Beyonce to give. Instead, he merely gestured to Jools, who told The Mirror, “I just like the name Buddy, I thought it was sweet.”
That’s all well and good for a newborn, but we’re fairly sure that future teenage Buddy Bear isn’t going to appreciate sounding like a character on a children’s television show. Does Oliver not realise that his children are eventually going to grow up?
Generally, when David Duchovny makes headlines, it’s either to do with his infamous role as Fox Mulder from The X-Files or his not so shocking admission to a rehab center for sex addiction. However, long before he admitted that he just can’t get enough nookie and the X-Files reboot, Duchovny and his then wife, Tea Leoni, made the papers for their unusual choice of baby names.
While their daughter escaped with the mercifully normal name ‘Madelaine’, their son was christened ‘Kyd’. Since the pair has never given an interview explicitly explaining the origins of the name, we can only assume that this is another poorly thought out pun that seemed hilarious during an exhausting pregnancy. ‘Hey, Kyd, come here, kid! Get it? That’ll never get old!’
Fortunately, Duchovny and Leoni gave Kyd the unobtrusive middle name ‘Miller’, which he now goes by, presumably after becoming old enough to realise that his name was just one big joke.
9) Rainbow Aurora
Barely famous Playboy Playmate Holly Madison is yet another ‘celebrity’ who felt the need to saddle her daughter with an embarrassing name. And boy, did she get a lot of flak for it on social media. However, the feisty reality TV star fought back, explaining to Hollywood Life, “There are a lot of smug haters out there who bag on my choice of a name, but I don’t care about what they think. I want my daughter to be proud of who she is and learn to speak up and stand up for herself at a young age.”
Madison added on her personal blog, “I have always loved the name Rainbow. There was a girl in my school a few years younger than me named Rainbow and I was so envious of her name because it was so pretty and usual… she was a perfectly normal, well-adjusted, sporty girl… so I’m not worried about my daughter being ‘traumatised’ by having an unusual name.”
While we’re all for fostering self-worth and confidence, we’re not sure that giving your child a humiliating name is a great way to do that. Especially when that name sounds like something a hippie-stripper name generator would come up with. But whatever floats your boat, Holly!
And there you have it, folks – 9 weirdest celebrity baby names from the last decade.
Given how persuasive celebrity culture is in our lives, how long is it going to be until Beyoncé inspires a whole generation of new mothers to make the name Blue Ivy the new ‘Catherine?’ On second thought, we don’t even want to think about it.
Feature image credit: The Chive